There have been many times throughout the years when I've felt out-of-place in my own life. It was as if I had woken up in somebody else's place. Who's clothes were these? Who chose this haircut? I had been on auto-pilot, allowing things into my life that didn't resonate with me at all. This revelation was often followed by anxiety, which was then followed by depression. I felt like I had identified a huge, overarching problem in my life, but didn't have a solution. There was a sense of overwhelm and helplessness.
I would look to self-help books, talk to friends and family, but all of their solutions didn't really address the root of problem. Of course, if the problem is living an inauthentic life, how could somebody else tell me how to be authentic?
I came across the Minimalism documentary while scrolling through Netflix, around the same time I'd discovered Brené Brown (more on that later) and I was instantly hooked. Here was the solution I was waiting for. I'd been struggling to change myself from the inside out, but hadn't considered that changing my environment might have an impact. It was a total revelation.
At the time, I was working two jobs, going to University, and we had a family member renting our spare room who was going through their own depression issues that were manifesting into a hoarding situation. What I needed was drastic and immediate change.
I started with my own belongings. I threw out bags and bags of clothing. I had acquired quite a collection of clothes that had come to me through my older sisters' hand-me-downs, thrifting trips, or sales at outlet stores. I piled them up by the door and begged a ride to the closest thrift store.
The relief was immediate, but the next week, still feeling the pressure of too many belongings in too small a space, I decided to tackle another area. I spent two hours going through the toiletries crowding our bathrooms. This time I made our roommate participate, as she had amassed a large collection that was going unused.
I held out 3 bottles at a time of the shampoos, conditioners, body washes, etc. and asked her to choose 2 to get rid of and 1 to keep.
Slowly but surely, I began to feel the benefits of a lack of clutter. I decided to list them here to help inspire others looking to simplify their lives.
1. Decision paralysis.
I'm somebody who often has difficulty making decisions. I have an almost compulsive need to look at every single option, and weigh the pros and cons before settling on my choice. Most people with anxiety and depression can probably relate. But this eats up valuable time during the day, and can give you what's known as decision fatigue.
This is why many entrepreneurs like Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg opt for uniforms. They buy multiples of the same clothes and wear the same outfit each day. This allows them to focus their energy elsewhere. By narrowing your options, you are creating more time for yourself and avoiding unnecessary headaches and confusion.
2. Reparenting.
This one was big for me. Throughout my childhood, my parents would treat throwing things out or giving things away as a punishment. I couldn't keep my room clean, so now I have to get rid of things. It was always treated as a negative event. "When I come back in an hour, this bag better be filled," they would say. I cried, I mourned, as I stuffed my old toys into garbage bags bound for the nearest thrift store.
But this is the natural cycle of things. You cannot keep every toy, every garment, every pillow, toiletry, etc. that has ever come into your possession. It's better to think of it as renting things. Sooner or later they will move on to the next owner, and that's ok.
3. Focus.
This was alluded to in #1, but bears repeating. When you get rid of the clutter, what remains is what really matters. What started out as a desire to simply declutter my space has evolved into a soul-searching journey into who I am, who I want to be, and what matters most to me. While I've hit some snags along the way (throwing out an item only to realize the next day I needed it) it gets easier with time.
4. Control.
My fiancé thinks I am some kind of savant, the way I always seem to know where everything is in our home. The reason why this is impressive is because nothing is ever where it's supposed to be! While our home has improved by leaps and bounds, missing items can still make daily tasks feel unnecessarily difficult. By reducing the number of items in your working areas (i.e. useless items, seldom used items, or duplicate items) you make your work more easy and efficient.
Control over your living space is important, but especially so to those dealing with mental illness and mood disorders. When you are in the throes of a depressive episode, daily chores can feel almost impossible. Throw in an obstacle like a misplaced item and you're ready to give up and get back in bed.
5. Pride.
I have always been notorious in my family for being the "messy one." This reputation was solidified after years of depression during my teen years. My room was often dirty and messy. I was sleeping 12-16 hours a day yet always felt exhausted and frustrated at the same time. I would tell myself I wanted to clean up my room, to change my behaviour, but the second I'd encounted an unexpected obstacle, I would go into avoidance mode.
It's been a long road since then, but I still don't feel particularly proud of my living space. I assumed that by 30 I would have everything figured out, but I'm quickly realizing so much is dependent on your daily habits, not your age. When faced with the progress I made in 2020, I'm excited to see what 2021 will bring.
6. Finance.
Despite being gainfully employed and relatively financially secure, I still feel the anxiety creep up on me whenever I have to approach the cashier in a store. Growing up, asking for money to purchase things like treats, outings with friends, or even just clothes, was often met with expletives from my parents. While we weren't poor, we were living beyond our means, and any reminder of this wasn't welcomed. It got to the point where I would let the seams out of my clothes before I'd ask for new ones.
After one particular trip to Zellers with my father ended with me in tears, my mother and I found a compromise in the thrift store. To this day, I still prefer shopping at the thrift store over retail, but found minimalism to be an even better option. I'm now in the process of building a wardrobe of higher quality garments I genuinely love and feel good in, not just whatever was on sale at the mall. Being pickier about my clothes also makes saying 'no' to unnecessary purchases so much easier!
Here are my 6 ways the journey of minimalism has helped me. Let me know if you've got any to add!
Stay positive, my friends.
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